Beer is a wonderful thing. But then we would say that wouldn’t we. However, it’s not just brewers who advocate filling your home with the good stuff, there are also non-beer geek, sober people who agree with us too. Why? Because beer isn’t just for drinking y’know, it’s incredibly versatile, it’s the Iron Man of booze.
Use it for glossy manes
Beer is full of malt and hops, which are full of protein. So if you’ve ever found yourself face down in a puddle of beer on a Friday night and then woken up the next day looking like you just stepped out of a salon then that’s why. Beer proteins will target damaged hair cuticles, which tend to be rough and raised, smoothing them and repairing them, giving you a glossier, healthier finish. If you don’t want to rely on drunken accidents to get the beer into your locks then try a hair mask made from 1 cup lager and 1 egg yolk, mix, add to hair, leave for a few minutes and then rinse.
Shine up your jewellery
A bad beer can feel like it’s stripping the flesh from your insides, cell by cell. However that acid content also makes beer a natty little cleaner for gold jewellery that has lost its bling. Dunk a towel in a nice, light ale, perhaps a Lucky Penny and shine up your knuckledusters and swag chains in no time.
Give yourself a pedicure
Beer isn’t just good for your soul, it can work wonders on your soles too. The enzymes found in beer can soften up the hard skin on your trotters that even the most committed fetishist would shy away from. Submerge your horrible hooves in half and half amounts of beer and peppermint tea (both at room temperature) for 20 minutes and then get those sandals out.
Yes, we accept that washing your sheets in beer sounds full on mental, something only the insane – or Barney from the Simpsons – would do. However, if you struggle to get to sleep you might find that adding a small amount of beer to your sheets helps thanks to the dimethylvinyl carbinol in the hops (which have long been a herbal solution to insomnia). Adding a small amount also has a rather delicious fragrance too – make sure you don’t go overboard and souse everything in it or you’ll end up with ‘eau de pub carpet’ rather than hoppy goodness.
Deal with a dodgy lawn
Is your lawn looking less than lush? Guess what, beer can help. Whether you’re trying to undo the effects of a summer of carnage or you’re just bad at lawn maintenance, applying beer to the brown spots will save the day. The fermented sugars in beer quickly kill off any nasty fungus and feed the grass, resulting in a radiant crop.
Stuck bolts and screws
If your solution to jammed bolts and screws usually consist of a sledgehammer and choice language, opt for a more Zen like approach and apply a few spoonfuls of beer instead. The beer will break down the rust and free up the mechanism in minutes. Successful, but far less therapeutic.